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July 07, 2013 @ 3:56 PM

Lightheaded

I feel like I'm floating in the air. In a bad way.. Is it because I got trapped in the house without any communication with the outside world for too long??

So the Saturday before term 3 starts, Ma decided to bring me to have a facial because my hairdresser said that my skin looks awful and I should do something to it before it's too late (scars and all.. though I already have them..) So we went to the one my hairdresser frequents and I spent almost 4 hours there. I left with a reddish-raw-looking face and a bag of new facial cleanser to try out.

Then for the next few days my face felt all so... weird.. It started peeling like mad and releasing some weird wet substance. At first I thought it was because the new facial cleanser wasn't suitable with the BB cream or the concealer I use, so I stopped using them and just used the facial cleanser. Well.. it didn't improve and my face started becoming super red and peeling like mad that everyone asked me what happened. So finally on Wednesday night (around 4 days after using the new cleanser), I told Ma about my skin problems and the yucky wetness that came with the reddishness (there's such a word right?) Well on that same night I finally found out what that yucky wetness was.. yellowish pus. (EWWWWWWWW!)

So my face has been reddish for almost a week and releasing pus like mad. (Is this becoming too.. descriptive? Like TMI?) I went to a skin doctor on Thursday (skipping lessons) with a swollen face like I just gained 10kg overnight. I looked so hideous and it was so bad that I couldn't even open my eyes fully. Like I got stung by bees? Haha my nieces and nephews said I looked like my whole face got bitten by loads of mosquitoes.

Okay, so what's my point of typing this post?

I was so affected that I needed to spend almost RM200 (around S$70?) on a facial at first. Then when the bills from the skin doctor came in I was totally. caught. off. guard. Pa doesn't have to know this (he's a bit on the stingy side..?) but it costed around 4 times the price of the facial. So in the end I spent nearly a grand (ringgit of course) trying to get my face back to the original way it was?!

My point is, if anyone is reading this right now.. It's your skin! Don't be a dumb fool (or rather an ignorant fool) like me. Know your skin better before you decide to go for any facials or skin treatments and spare yourself the trouble plus unnecessary bills.. Granted, it probably wasn't the facial people who were in the wrong since they didn't know about my skin conditions. Ultimately I don't know who to blame, because everything appeared to be like chance events that nobody expected..

I realised I didn't mention what my condition was. So I got diagnosed with acute allergic contact dermatitis. Apparently I was allergic towards some of the substances that the facial shop uses (despite them claiming that the products are really suitable for my skin) The skin doctor (specialist?) said my condition was super serious and needed injections. Which cost a bomb.

It's like an area that I'm not familiar with and I think what I truly got out of this whole incident is that I can't fully trust anyone. Don't ask me how I got here because I honestly have no idea. I don't know who to trust. I spent so much on the facial and only got worse because of it. I spent so much on the injections not knowing if they were absolutely necessary and I don't even know who to consult because I have absolutely NO KNOWLEDGE ON ANY OF THESE. I felt so vulnerable, because all I thought of was that I needed to get better because it's my face (seriously I couldn't bear looking at anyone straight in the face without getting some weird looks from others) I looked like a freak and I just wanted everything to be normal again, even if my normal skin was awful to start with. So I blindly trusted the doctor because he said I'll get better. Well my skin did get better even though I look like I got de-skinned because I look like some raw crab or something.

Ok fine. In the end I don't know what I'm talking about and I don't know what it is that I really wanted to say. I'm just fed up that I'm not in control (yupp I'm a control freak) and that I look so awful that I don't dare to look at myself. It's like my lowest level of self-esteem ever.

And why is everyone ignoring me... I haven't been to school for 2 days. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have absolutely no energy to do anything. I just feel like something is missing from my life. (blood in my head perhaps?)

I'm not hungry at all. I feel like throwing up when I see food. I don't have any cravings for anything edible. All I want to do is wallow in self pity which I think is pretty useless and inconsiderate. I don't want to be a spoiled brat. I'm trying very hard to be happy and cheerful because aunt and grandma are here with us and I don't want them to think that I'm a princess-brat who doesn't give a damn about them. But it's so difficult to communicate with them when aunt just can't stop blabbering/nagging about things. And she just assumes things. (Like there was once she assumed that I hated her because I didn't smile at her. Seriously, I'm not even exaggerating)

I don't know what I want. I just feel so restless like the future is so bleak and I have no idea where I'm heading. Is it because midyears' results are out? Probably, since I did so badly and I have no excuses.
I just feel that nobody cares. Do I have to be the one to start talking to someone? Is there anyone out there who's interested enough to ask me how my day went or how I'm feeling today? Am I overreacting?

And it doesn't help that Ma hasn't stopped calling me ying since my sister left for Taiwan 2 weeks ago. -sighs-
I think it's the hormones. I need my normal self back.

does anyone care?